British entertainment channel U&Dave, owned by British broadcaster UKTV, has handed out the “Funniest Joke of the Fringe Award” for the last 15 years. Here are this year's top gags.
“I was going to sail around the globe in the world’s smallest ship but I bottled it.” The winning joke by Mark Simmons
“I’ve been taking salsa lessons for months, but I just don’t feel like I’m progressing. It’s just one step forward… two steps back.” Alec Snook, runner up
The rest of the top 10 in no particular order...
“Ate horse at a restaurant once - wasn’t great. Starter was all right but the mane was dreadful.” Alex Kitson
“I sailed through my driving test. That’s why I failed it.” Arthur Smith
“I love the Olympics. My friend and I invented a new type of relay baton: well, he came up with the idea, I ran with it.” Mark Simmons
“My dad used to say to me ‘Pints, gallons, litres’ – which, I think, speaks volumes.” Olaf Falafel
“British etiquette is confusing. Why is it highbrow to look at boobs in an art gallery but lowbrow when I get them out in Spoons?” Chelsea Birkby
“I wanted to know which came first the chicken or the egg so I bought a chicken and then I bought an egg and I think I’ve cracked it.” Masai Graham
“My partner told me that she’d never seen the film Gaslight. I told her that she definitely had.” Zoë Coombs Marr
“The conspiracy theory about the moon being made of cheese was started by the hallouminati.” Olaf Falafel