If you've yet to be a parent, maybe some of these observations may be helpful.
@notmythirdrodeo: When your 8 year old gets in trouble at school for spelling curse words with scrabble tiles in school, it’s not appropriate to say “well, that’s fucking hilarious.” I know this now.
@simoncholland: What position is it in soccer where my kid tries to find a four leaf clover?
@mommeh_dearest: The battle I didn’t pick today: letting my toddler eat his lasagna with a straw.
@allholls: Lately, my 6yo has been putting on a movie, laying down on the couch, and falling asleep a few minutes into the movie. He's already nailed being middle aged.
@IHideFromMyKids: Three words no parent ever wants to hear when dropping their kid at a play date: “Come on in.”
@sarcasticmommy4: You know what goes great with helping your kid with math homework?
Vodka.
@missmulrooney: 4-year-old appeared while I was washing the dishes and politely asked “Mama, would you like to sit down in a chair?” and I’ve been doing this for long enough to know that doesn’t mean she thinks I deserve a break, it means she has gotten her hands on a whoopee cushion.
@mxmclain: Told my kid it was time for a screen break and you’d think I asked for both of his kidneys.
@highprobably1: I’m roasting garlic in the oven. My 13 year old thinks it smells like weed. I can relax now, confident that my youngest child has never smoked weed.
@IHideFromMyKids: Our cousin lives in Jupiter, Florida so you can imagine my 8yo’s disappointment once we arrived.