A dozen of the most amusing marriage tweets OGN has spotted recently.
Marl @Marlebean
Me to anyone else: "it's in that cabinet"
Me to my husband: "it's in the upper cabinet next to the fridge on the left at eye level. It's bright green. It's right there. IT'S RIGHT THERE"
Mediocre Mom @MediocreMamaa
There are two types of people: Those who get to the airport four hours early and still worry about missing their flight, and those who think the final boarding call is a good time to go grab Starbucks, and they marry each other.
Vinod Chhaproo @Chhapiness
Secret to a successful marriage is to marry the one who matches your values, principles and thermostat settings.
Jew in a Canoe @WillieHandler
Me: If you could sleep with --
Wife: Ryan Reynolds!
Me: --the window opened a little bit, I would appreciate it.
Late to the party Laura @ericamorecambe
I’m starting to worry about my husband’s eyesight. He can’t seem to see that the cutlery drawer is divided into sections.
Boog @bewgtweets
Wife: have you seen the dog bowl?
Me: no, is he any good?
SpacedMom @copymama
Engaging in marital warfare by loudly stirring my yogurt in a glass jar to retaliate against my husband for offensively slurping his cereal.
@BenjaminJS
I have this kind of kinky fantasy where my husband and I are both in our kitchen at the same time and it doesn’t feel claustrophobic.
Nostradadmus @bigpoppadrunk
Wife got mad at me again. I guess it isn't funny to give the last rites to every plant she puts into the cart at home depot.
Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ @maryfairybobrry
You can send all the flowers or write all the romantic poetry you want but until you pretend to be asleep when your wife farts loud enough to register on a Richter scale, you know nothing of real romance.
Tracie Breaux @traciebreaux
*quietly adjusts thermostat *
My husband from a hotel room 2800 miles away: whatcha doing?
Stabbatha Christy @LoveNLunchmeat
89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great what he really means is "We needed to leave five minutes ago."