Legendary comedian Spike Milligan (1918 - 2002) was a British (and from 1962, Irish) comedian, writer, musician, poet, playwright and actor. He introduced a new form of crazy wit to the world, starting with The Goon Show, a radical comedy radio show. Almost single handedly, Milligan revolutionised comedy imagination and wit, inspiring the likes of Monty Python.
Here are a dozen of his pithy one-liners to give you a chuckle...
"You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States."
"Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order."
"Apéritif: French for a set of dentures."
"Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery."
"Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard."
"We were making love in the back of a truck and we got carried away."
"And God said, 'Let there be light' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said he would have to wait until Thursday to be connected."
"Always try to make other people happy, even if you have to leave them alone to do it."
"Contraceptives should be used on all conceivable occasions."
"Many people die of thirst but the Irish are born with one."
"Money couldn't buy friends, but you got a better class of enemy."
"A signature always reveals a man's character - and sometimes even his name."